Description This was my very first painting, painted sometime in the early 80's, probably around 1983-84. When I was fumbling my way through puberty trying to figure out why I wasn't boy crazy or even remotely interested in boys like me other girl friends were I was introduced to the word 'lesbian.' I thought FINALLY a definition for what I have been feeling inside, but after I realized what the word meant I was even more confused because even though I looked like a girl I felt like a boy in my heart.When I pictured myself I saw a boy, not a girl, so my teenage and early adult years were fraught with much confusion, sadness and many moments of isolation because I had no one to reach out to and explain what I was feeling inside. I felt like a leper who had been banished to a deserted island.